I am from the Do or Die... Never Ran. Never Will. (Unless of course... they shootin') Easy!"
August 12, 2005
I Knew Him When.....
WE ALL HAVE GHOST, SOMEONE FROM OUR PAST, THAT THE STORY NEVER ENDED, DID US WRONG, OR LEFT US WONDERING, THESE GHOST CAN BE BIG, OR THIS GHOST CAN BE VERY SMALL, BUT EVERY ONCE IN A BLUE, THEY HAUNT US... We use to fuck. Nothing long and drown out like pages in a Harlequin romance novel, where comas seem to go on forever, never quite bringing a sentence to a close; No we were much more straight forward than that, like an exclamation point. We went right to it! Fuck a comma, We were much more functional than that. We use to fuck, cause we were both at the same place, at the same time in our lives, sharing the same stories, and who would of thought, we'd end up here, and then "there" in between the pseudo sheets. We didn't know, since we both knew each other "When:"
When front teeth just came back in, and moms was still doing your hair,
and school lunch tickets was the shit
When coke bottle glasses, and reject sneakers, and 3 o'clock beat down were in full affect,
When baby fat still tugged at adolescent loins, and hard on's was an embarrassing no no
When halloweens had curfew, and streetlights on meant you were late
When downtown was the shit, to get a pair of "uptowns" just to get around
When girls was trading naps for presses, and boys were sticking fingers under dresses
When Rebooks came in all colors, and rope chains went double, and to match ur 2 finger ring
But we didn't know 10 years later, we'd end up in knowing each other in other ways, I still remember the day we met up again. It was a moderately warm day, and my mood was nothing special. I had just gotten off work, and didnt feel like going straight home, so I took the train out to my favorite stop, which was one stop from my house, just to breathe and walk around for a bit. I had thought that I heard my name, but gave it no thought that someone was really calling me. I was that deep in thought, until the voice got closer, and I was like:
"Oh snap. Wassup?"
He: "Say Word." "I thought that was you, you cut your locks."
Me: "Yup." I'm a doing me back in 2 yrs, it was two fucking hot out here, you cut yours too I see..."
He: Yeah I got tired of em, and I started to go lil bare on the top, and I aint trying to be like the dude with the half moon, on top.
We both laugh.
He: Yeah,P___ told me you was out here, but he didn't have your number, he said you went out there to go see him, how was it?
Me: Nice. He got a nice spot, facing the beach, whole house to himself, pool, the island is nice, you should go. Check your boy.
He: Yeah I know, I know, I got make peace with that, and visit him, we had kind of fell off.
Me: Yeah he told me, but ya'll were like peanut butter and jelly back in the day, didnt see one with out seeing the other, I surprise you aint made it out there.
He: "I know, but what you doing around this way, you gotta give me your number so we can link up"
Me: "No doubt, I live out this way."
He: Say word, I'm up the block from here.
Me: Hmmmmm I see.
We talked on that train station platform for another hour, about present careers, and what lead us here, and about our upward mobile aspirations, we shared car "lemon" stories that lead riding mass transit, and how stranded we felt with out our whips. And how ironic it was that we two would meet up, by chance.
Didn't take him long to call, came over, I had cooked din. It was weird how comfortable we were with one another, since we were never really friends. Even though back in the day, we ran in the same circles, went to the same classes, shared the same after school activities, we hardly talked for conversational sake, just more on a salutations tip. "Wassup." He always spoke, but never talked to me like that. We had "mutual friends" one being his boy, and long time friend, who later became one of my best (platonic) friends.
Back in school he always dated "B" girls, the one the type who went out with "B" boys
(B-Boy or B-Girl's = is a 1980's slang for a girl or guy who's always, I repeat always in fashion)
He had become a B-boy, and that gave him elite "freshman" status to date "senior" high school girls. He began to act cute on some of us, not in a rude way, but just a lil cocky, didn't hurt my feeling none,I didn't like him, but my homegirl did... never thought of him in that way to feel crushed by it, and its not like we were ever friends, we just knew each other ....."when."
Now here he is sitting across my table having dinner, we're reminiscing, and exchanging past memories, memories that involved our "mutual" comrades that kept us in the know with each other. We laughed, knowing laughs. Deep felt laughs, those no-words-needed-to-express kind of laughs. We're therapy for each other, we were both kind of homesick, kind of blue, kind of jilted from recent break ups, and we we're both kind of diggin the moment....
We had started to carve our own "familiar" niche, knowing each other in now-a-days ways... unveiling masks that we never thought about sharing. We both shared a love for wine, as he would often come over with a bottle, and put me on to new and different taste, open my taste buds up in new ways... I began to let my "now B-girl" guard down for him, as he was no longer that "B-Boy" that I knew, even if traces still could be seen from a peripheral view.
And that's how it all started, short, but deep, intense "fucking."
Neither one of us, didn't act like we didn't have a recent past, that lead us "shipwrecked" on our own gillians island... we were "rebound mates" with benefits, since we knew each other "when." Some months went on, and he became a stamp in my life that said "Here." Made me feel like I was among the priorities in his present and "friends" accounted for life.
He invited me out to parties, where we would both flirt with others, while flirting with each other on the dance floor, we had no shame, I'd let him smack my ass, while I grind up on him on the wall, we had to represent, some true brooklyn basement parties, even if the light were on...lol.
We were therapy for each other. Two home sick individuals... who took long drives together back home, while sharing and creating our own stories.
He'd pick me up from work, take me out to breakfast (we switch off, on who's treating who) do the movies, or catch a cocktail. When I moved my furniture over to a new place, but still needed to spend some time in my old apt, but had NO furniture, he came over, and slept on the bare floor with me, nothing but a chinese mat, tiny lamp, black/white tv and 2 comforters. We snuggled, and then some. Since it was winter now... we became "warm therapy" for each other.
Then spring rolls in, and we're back on the dating seen, neither one of us, seems to be filling each other in on details, but it doesnt stop our "HERE" stamp, or at least I didn't. Then one day, as if I never saw him on the train, never had him in my house, across from my table, on my chinese mat, my body against his. He's gone.
We go back to mutual friend status, another homeboy (platonic) calls me up, and tells me that he'll be in town, he want to see us both, wants to know if I ever linked with "Therapy Man" since I relocated, I told him we linked up for spell, totally down played any of our affairs, and give him "therapy mans" number. I then hear later thru the grapevine that my once Warm Therapy man" my revisited-friend-who-never-was, has got a new girl and plans on moving in with her, next month. As all of the sudden we're back at "Mutual Friend," status 2nd hand news, back to a b-boy stanze???? WTF!
I never hid my back-in-my-life-no-longer-an-ex-but-not-quite-my-man-again, to him. If anything, I told him about him upfront, in the middle, and towards the end. After all, we were therapy. Thinking back, he would go kind of silent, when ever I played phone messages, but I didnt think nothing of it, as he had his. And now I hear this news thru the "Mutual Grape Vine..."
My body goes hot, my anger cannot mask, I am hurt, b/c I knew therapy man "WHEN." Shit I I knew that n_a "Now."
And now he wanna act like he don't know me at all.
Aint that some shit.
So today when I see a car, like his, I went into "auto-memory mode", start putting some pedal to gas, to see if I could catch a face, remember his plates, remember his face.... Didn't even realize that some old one year old shit started to flare right then and there, and it was then I remembered.
I no longer know him now.... I only knew him "when."
Sssh! she's writing.. brooklyn babe8/12/2005 
  • At 12/8/05 10:35 PM, Blogger Organized Noise said…

    I should get some kind of reward or something. I don 't know how long it took you to write it, but it damn sure took me 8 minutes to read it.

    Anyway, I have a "ghost" in my life too. Her name is Angela. Story is pretty much the same. She was a friend of a girl I dated. When her girl did me wrong, Angela was right the to "console" me. Needless to say we fucked for a while, then lost touch. Two years later she shows up on my doorstep graduation weekend. A few months later she disappears again. We ran into each other again, after another three and a half years passed. Even spent New Year's together this year. Now all of a sudden, she's engaged to be married. Go figure.

  • At 13/8/05 12:39 AM, Blogger button_nose said…

    Damn...why your shit gotta be sooooooooooooooooooooooo long!! Dang girl. Whew, I just finished it, I started an hour ago!

    Just joking.

    Great post.

    I have many ghost in my life...one just recently reappeared...and disappeared all at the same time, jury is still out....I wish I was as well.

    Smooches :)

  • At 13/8/05 7:27 AM, Blogger brooklyn babe said…

    Lol! SORRY GUYS!!!!!!I would not be nearly as long winded next time... I just had to get all of that "out..." feel me.
    That for giving me 8 minutes of your time.
    P.S. Does anyone know, how to shorten the story, in view, so that the reader can click on "more" instead of it being so long in view...

  • At 13/8/05 7:58 AM, Blogger brooklyn babe said…

    Oh I almost forgot:
    Academy Music Starts to play now:

    An the nominee for first person to actually abuse their attentions span, and share some of my long winded thoughts, goes to:

    (Trumpets start now:)

    "O-R-G-A-N-I-Z-E-D N-I-O-S-E!!!"

    Please remember, there is a 3 people rule up on stage, as you accept this award! LMAO

  • At 13/8/05 9:47 AM, Blogger Cutie Cola said…

    I enjoyed reading. I also have a 'ghost' in my life. This is a guy that is always in and out of my life, but things never materialized into a hardcore relationship. When I first met him he had no kids, now he has 2 with 2 different women!

  • At 13/8/05 10:05 AM, Blogger UhSista said…

    Lovin' Lovin' Lovin' this post! My "ghost" never seems to stop haunting me! That Motha Fukka!!...lol

  • At 13/8/05 12:02 PM, Blogger brooklyn babe said…

    @ Cutie...let us know if you need help performing an exorcism!
    @ Uhsista... we'll need to hold a seance for you!!! Lol

  • At 13/8/05 12:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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    Stop by when you get break. : - )

  • At 13/8/05 12:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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    at my personal. Luv Jody

  • At 13/8/05 12:54 PM, Blogger Scoot Noodles said…

    Nice Story. I like the realizm and how it effected you. You obviously are just on the brink of meeting your soulmate so don't look and he will be just where you knew you would find him all along... : )

  • At 13/8/05 12:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


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  • At 13/8/05 10:02 PM, Blogger Organized Noise said…

    I had a speech prepared, but reading this post made me forget it. I guess there's only one thing left to say . . . AFTERPARTY AT MY PLACE!!!!!

    I haven't heard from my ghost for a while. Your post actually made me try to get in touch with her.

  • At 14/8/05 12:47 AM, Blogger MeCrazyMe said…

    I can't lie, this is too long for me to read, but i will be back to read it and comment. ** Too Sleepy**

  • At 15/8/05 7:40 PM, Blogger MeCrazyMe said…

    Well... after a few days and a long weekend I am her to give my 2 cents after I had to print it out and read it on the train.

    Well here is my 2 cents:

    Girl, glad to know at the end you knew the past from the present.

    I've walked these shoes and in the end he was married with children, move the girl from one state to the other and up until then (year 2000) I thought I also knew him in the "Now", but when I realized I knew him in the "When" he became a stamp in my book called "Never Revisit Again".

    I eventually, saw him for what he was and cut it short..

    Like Vivian Green said: "Just a sweet memory of baby you and me and how it use to be.

  • At 16/8/05 10:08 PM, Blogger brooklyn babe said…

    Me Crazy....
    You ain't lying...lol!

  • At 16/8/05 10:26 PM, Blogger brooklyn babe said…

    It was either let his memory go, or slash them tires on the car, I thought to be his, in blind rage! Lol. So I opted to bury the memory.
    Hasta La Vista baby!

  • At 17/8/05 1:21 PM, Blogger Msnhim said…

    I also have the "ghost". There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him but things happen for a reason.

    Great Post!!!!!!!!

  • At 17/8/05 1:46 PM, Blogger Robyn said…

    Girlfriend...I have ghosts too and think that many people do, and now that I've done my "reading for the day" *stretching*....I think I am fulfilled and can go back to work! LOL

    Great post girl!

  • At 17/8/05 4:32 PM, Blogger MeCrazyMe said…

    By the way...you are in violation of my blogger rules!! **Written Warning**

  • At 17/8/05 8:11 PM, Blogger Dee said…

    now y'all know I do most of my bloggin at work!!!! I have to keep clicking it off then bringing it back up....oh yeah where was I again?

    I finished....good post!!!

  • At 17/8/05 8:11 PM, Blogger Dee said…

    now y'all know I do most of my bloggin at work!!!! I have to keep clicking it off then bringing it back up....oh yeah where was I again?

    I finished....good post!!!

  • At 17/8/05 11:38 PM, Blogger sonyared said…

    Hey! Ooh I like, I have ghosts and some too painful to think about or visit, the one I gave all my love and time too and screwed me in the end-but you gave me a peice of life from you and me, the one I chilled with and told secrets to and went shopping with-miss ya girl. Sudani this story hit me. This post reminds me of love songs from back in the days and first loves and first friends and how life change from right under us.

  • At 18/8/05 11:37 AM, Blogger brooklyn babe said…

    @ Dee... girl I'm trying to be like U, and get my blogging on @ work, but I hate being interrupted, and this week, it OT week, so Iget in late....

    @ Sonyared, glad it touched a good memory in U... I have more in to get out... but I promise to be shorter!

    @ Robyn... lol. I had to stretch myself after writing this...

    @ me crazy.... pls don't give me a tix for breaking the rule off-fi-cer! Lol.

  • At 18/8/05 9:24 PM, Anonymous Cymple said…

    Great post!

  • At 19/8/05 11:02 PM, Blogger Mad Bull said…

    Excellent post! I'm gwine to link you, jah know!

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Name: brooklyn babe
Home: Somewhere, East Coast, United States
About Me: Brooklyn (Bajan) Brit, who's finally carving her 30's niche, in this world. Look out Oprah here I come!
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