"I'm sorry Jefferey, you know I had a hard time dealing with having a husband, who does this thing for a living. I'm sooooo sah-wee, peassss for-gib me." "I know baby, but we've been over this, please don't cry, just have Joan help you get yourself together, I'll meet your at your office when your off today, we'll have a nice dinner and help you unwind, and we'll play....

" Paps Smear! We'll play Paps Smear ??...Okay. I'll see you later baby! Again, I'm sorry Jefferey."

"I'm sorry Mrs Edgars, my humble apologies as a professional doctor to his patient, my wife..... she's.... you don't really..... No... no.... I've smelled worst... Yes, really! I mean... Oh dear, forgive me......No the fact that you're 78 has nothing to do with... Actually younger smells worst. Yes, their move active... much. No the gray hairs don't do anything...... will you excuse me?.... Joan, I think I'm going to leave early to... to you know..... ok thanks Joan, for getting Dr. Snider in; you're a blessing to have as an assistant!

Mr. McAfee, you can't go in there while.... MR. McAFEE!!! MR McAFEE!!! Not while she's.... they're...

LIZ! YOU TACKY LARD ASS TROLLOP! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON YOUR KNEES LIKE SOME COMMON PLACE WHORE. DID YOU JUST HAVE HIS... IN YOUR... OH YOU LIL......... WHO ARE ALL THESE MEN, AND WHY IS EVERYONE IN HERE HALF NAKED! CLOSE YOUR MOUTH LIZ FOR GOD SAKES!

Mrs. McAfee, I'm sorry, I couldn't keep him back this time.

Its okay Phil, I'm almost finish; just give me a sec.

FINISH WHAT YOU SLUT!!! FINISH WHAT?!?

(Sighs) JEFF-WEE, WIE WOUGHT WIE WOLD WOO WHA WIE WOO FO WA WEEVIN.

WHAT!!!!!!!! IS IT STILL IN YOUR MOUTH....?!?!? OH SWEET JESUS, GOGGLES?! WHAT ARE THE GOGGLES FOR LIZ .....IF YOU'RE DOWN THERE... OH GOD, OH GOD, LIZ HOW COULD!!!!

I SA-I-D, Jefferey I thought I told you what I did for a living. I patent custom made jock cups and straps for the NFL. I look at mens' crotches all day everyday, I often have to look at penises too just to get the right fit. Some of these quarterbacks, are a WHOLE dollar down here if you know what I mean.... I keep a measuring tape in my mouth, for easy and accurate measurment. I wear goggles because some of the new boys get excited, and I already lost a contact, and caught the clap in my left eye.

YOU SAID THAT WAS PINK EYE!

I had to Jefferey. I had too. Now baby why don't you just had a sit, I'm almost done, you know we went over this already Jeff Jeff. This is all part of the job. Trust this is not enticing or inviting, by the time I work on these puppies, their all smelly and sweaty, and often time frustrated, not to mention SENSITIVE. Many of them take a good kick or shove down there, and I'm their first line of defense, they don't enjoy anymore than I do. So please just go sit on the bench over there honey.

I'm sorry Lizzie. I'm soooo Sorry Honey. I forgot your a physical mechanics scientist and work on contract in the NFL locker room. I totally, totally forgot.

Don't cry baby, we both had a long day, and this is a lo-o-ng client.

MEANWHILE OUTSIDE OF THE LOCKER ROOM

Slow down Joan, you're too late, he's already here.

Damn Phil. And Liz?

I already gave her hers.

Protzac?

Yup.

Vicatin?

Yup?

Lithium, Wellbuturin, Zoloft, and Paxil.

Yup. Yup. And Yup.

Who knew this job was going to be such a work out huh?

You telling me. At least my wife is happy, I already lost 13lbs.

See you tomorrow Phil.

See you tomorrow Joan.

- S. Thorne "Shorties" (Fiction) Published April 17th, 2006 - (Erractic Corky Moment Collective Works by S. Thorne)